A personal journal entry shared with you on this Samhain eve to honor the dead. Perhaps you can relate.
“A dead person is my butoh teacher..”- Hijikata Tatsumi
When i got to the graveyard, he taught me things. He emerged, I emerged. I was floored, we were ripped from, he was ripped away. He is ashes and we can’t reach his body. No laughter, void of him. Void of our shared future. Things will never be normal again. The ocean waves are now where he resides.
The last time I saw him was October, persimmon time. Full of persimmons, full of rhetoric talk. Such a brilliant mind, I couldn’t keep up. So much energy, he lifted an entire room, an entire space, he vibrated. He is now a hummingbird. The sun continues to shine. Every day the birds sing whether I’m dead or not. Whether he is dead or not. Whether my sisters are hurting or not. Death continuum.
Waves of grief, waves and waves of sobbing so wildly I thought my neighbors would call the cops. Weeping for the imagined pain his blood relations could feel. Being held by Lila. Grieving for the future, for all the times that he should be there. Next to us. With us. Arguing and debating climate change mitigation strategies with us. Being the change he and we wish to see.. with us. But he won’t be. Hollowed out, he’s limp. He’s ashes. Decay. Legacy. Saturate us in roses.
To see the 2 part video work on this concept, go to:
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4JXj8Lhs9Q/
AND
Grave Transfer on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkbxXlsWUIg
Grave Transfer
“He’s been lifeless for five days, picked up off the floor, out of the haze.
No one is equipped to grieve, or be proper.
Taste this whole dose, then fill up the dropper.
Condolences. Condor lessons
From full moon to crescent,
From here on and forward, I’ll flow in sweet sessions.
Movement, it cools me and writings my essence.
One breathe after one, then seven after seven.
I’m returning to innocence like an adolescent.
But complexity meets weight and there’s no room for guessing.
Now I meet me to deliver one message,
You, yes you, deserve to receive and be in the present.
Like metal feeding water transforming in seconds,
Super earth siblings, our time here is limited.
Red ties our bonds, our blood glows hot cinnamon,
From initiative to initiative, thank you for being inquisitive.
A capacity to describe, your tongue paints images,
Words of love fuse my pleasure and pain
To know that I’m hurting and lose value in blame.
The more I refresh upon my soul composition,
The closer to center i sit in my traditions
To honor life, sweat, make love & to weep in lotus position,
Is exactly the remedy, core catalyst, for this here auspicion.” - C.Groom